So my parents divorced when I was 15.
It all started on January 28th. My dad wanted to wait until after my brother's birthday on Jan. 27th and for that matter after the Christmas holidays. I, of course, learned that part later. I am the oldest of four and was shocked by this news.
I had a friend go through the same thing about a year earlier. She went to my church too. At church we believe
FAMILIES ARE TOGETHER FOREVER. Having your parents divorce makes you question how families can be together forever when your parent can't stay together in this earth life.
CONFESSION TIME: When I heard about my friend and her parents I remember thinking very clearly, "
Well, her parent must not believe that families are forever. THAT will NEVER happen to me."
This was my first very LARGE lesson in judging others.
Six months later, my parents told us they were separating. The next Saturday, we helped my dad move into his new apartment. This was shocking and fast for me. We got there and he already had furniture there. I knew at this point that this had been planned for a long time before I knew it.
The separation and divorce for me as a child was fairly painless -
besides the pain of losing my faith in the family unit, I mean let's not forget that this event shook my world. Painless in the sense that:
- my parent did NOT talk badly about each other.
- my parents had a united front - we were all to live with my mom and see my dad every other weekend. It wasn't up for discussion.
Somehow at the time I didn't know that I was lucky to have parents that were putting the children first. I didn't realize that parents could be mean during a divorce, but mine were very civil and
from my perspective seemed to work things out together. At the time though I did not have this perspective. All I could think was, "Woe is me!" It could be that I was a 14 year old teenage girl full of drama. As much as I put my mom and dad through at this time, I still can't help but be selfish and confess that my life was changed. Forever.
For a long time (even through college), I had to reconcile how I could be with my family up in heaven. It was during this time that I learned to trust and rely on the Lord. I had to admit that I truly believed FAMILIES ARE FOREVER and that the Lord knows the beginning from the end. I had to have faith that whatever my parents choices were (although my mom would want me to explain that this was not her choice, she never wanted a divorce), I would have to be responsible and accountable for MY choices. I had to grow and gain my own faith in the
plan of happiness. I had to learn to trust in things not seen.
Why am I posting this? Well, my brother is getting a divorce. He has a wife and three kids and lives in St. Louis. No worries. I am not "outing their business". They both talk about it quite openly on facebook. My OTHER brother is in the hospital back in KS and his wife of one year is his only family there to take care of him. For some reason, these events have brought up the past and has caused me to reflect.
Divorce and hospital stays. Two totally different events. Two major events that make me wish I lived closer to family. I don't think I could do much to help these two brothers of mine, but I am thinking of them and their families during this time of need.
My brother in the hospital will get better soon and his sweet wife will be there when he faints from dehydration, again. Luke is very hard headed, so there is little hope that this won't happen again since this is the second time. Love ya bro.
My brother going through a divorce has made choices in his marriage that have lead him down this path, but somehow I wish the ending was different. If I have any advice for my brother, I would remind him about the child's perspective, which I am sure he already knows. These are lessons I remember:
- Be honest with your children (age appropriate, of course). They probably already know anyway.
- Think about what is best for the kids and not for yourself.
- Love them more, especially when they push you away.
I remember my dad spending MORE time with us kids after the divorce. For some reason this enraged me. He came to my freshman HS basketball games after the separation, but not any games before Christmas. I would ignore him during and after the games. Didn't understand why he thought he could change after he left my mom, but not before. Deep down, I think we all know, I was glad he came.
Divorce is not easy on anyone. I feel bad for my brother, his wife and their kids. I wish I could say a magic word to make it all better. I really do. Life is not a fairytale. It is hard. We have to live with choices we have made, but there is a
plan. There is a loving Heavenly Father that is there for each one of us. Prayers are answered. And just when we think all is lost, the sun really will come up tomorrow
(I couldn't resist throwing in a little Annie). I love you, family!
*Disclaimer : These are my recollections through my eyes of my parents' divorce.
The truth is always somewhere in the middle.
I love my mom and dad.
No divorce could change that.
It is the last day of September and it is HOT. It is 9 a.m. and it is 91*. It will be a high of 107* today. YUCK.
This "fall" dinner we had a guest, Amber. She seemed to be the guest my kids needed. Show and Tell dinner was in full force. 
